First Class Jitters

“I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.”
–Hunter S. Thompson

My initial feeling about my first yoga training session was a mild panic. I was prepared for class 2 days each week and one Sunday each month, but I wasn’t aware of the other requirements: 20 hours of workshops, 35 additional yoga classes, teach one community class, observe one class, one book report, keep a journal. I have the last one covered with this blog but the rest felt a little overwhelming. In fact I found it hard to concentrate on anything else for the remainder of the class once Amy (the teacher) handed out the syllabus. My current job is not very demanding time-wise, but I am hoping to get a new job soon which would limit my free time more and require some travel. If I land that job, how could I keep up with all this?

Then I got out of class and calmed down a little, and figured out how to make this happen. I can combine a required class and a training class into one long trip to the studio, since the class offerings are pretty numerous. And I reminded myself that this is the first step in what is hopefully a long journey, so I need to get off on the right foot and have a good attitude about it. I believe I have a lot to offer the world and I need to develop technical knowledge in something as a way to impart my abstract knowledge. And that’s going to take time and sacrifice (not that I’ll be sacrificing much anyway--I have way too much time on my hands these days). I also reminded myself that the anticipation of something is usually much worse than the reality of that thing. This is sort of the opposite of what I was talking about before, regarding pleasant surprises.

The class consists of 13 students, all female except for me and one other guy; yet another reason why I love yoga. One of the students is a woman in her 60s who started doing yoga some 40 years ago and owned a studio in Evanston where Amy had her first yoga class. She’s taking the class because she wants to start a yoga program for people in her stage of life, and whatever certification she currently holds is either expired or irrelevant. Having her in class will be great because she’ll be able to provide insight on things from a very experienced perspective.

The class began with peace invocations which ask for a study free of obstacles. We went over 7 asanas (poses) in detail, talking about how to correct someone’s posture as well as the benefits of the pose and modifications. We learned about the 8 limbs of yoga and the yoga sutras, and closed with 5 minutes of meditation. Except for my mild panic and discomfort from sitting on the floor for 5 hours, it was mostly enjoyable, although I was a little surprised at how quickly we moved through each asana. I don’t feel like we went into that much depth on each one.

I’m excited to be a part of this community, though I’ve really been enjoying the Crossfit community a lot lately and would like to get more involved there. But the environment at Yoga Now is what brought me there mostly. Amy was described to me as a “true believer” by someone whose opinion I respect in such matters, and Carrie’s teacher Silvia (a very influential person) told me that of the ones she is familiar with, Amy’s program is the best in the city. In addition to this she holds many interesting workshops and lectures which add to the aura there.

I have to be honest though and say that I’m a little scared about all this. I’ll be investing a lot of time, money and effort to get through this training, as well as a hope that this could be my life’s work, or at least the beginning of me finding what my life’s work is to be. But how much do I really enjoy yoga? I certainly enjoy the feeling I get after a good class. Going through the minor details of each asana felt a little tedious to me though. I also do not believe that yoga alone can create elite physical fitness. Hell, before class on Saturday it had probably been 2 months since my last yoga class. But something brought me here, and I’m determined to figure out what it is. I think it’s healthy to be a little scared of this, and to have a little fear in your life. It’s how you know you’re alive. And as I like to tell people, if life is challenging, it means you’re doing something right.