Christmastime for the Jews

Ok listen up because I'm about to, in the parlance of Charlie from Always Sunny, crack an egg of knowledge all over you. Some of you probably know a lot of this stuff already, and others of you I've talked to about it. But it wasn't until this morning in the shower that I realized why I find it such an important message to spread. And here it is: Christmas has nothing at all to do with Christianity or Jesus….historically speaking. As a culture we have chosen to forget this. The following is taken from the History Channel's website:

The middle of winter has long been a time of celebration around the world. Centuries before the arrival of the man called Jesus, early Europeans celebrated light and birth in the darkest days of winter. Many peoples rejoiced during the winter solstice, when the worst of the winter was behind them and they could look forward to longer days and extended hours of sunlight.

In the early years of Christianity, Easter was the main holiday; the birth of Jesus was not celebrated. In the fourth century, church officials decided to institute the birth of Jesus as a holiday. Unfortunately, the Bible does not mention a date for his birth (a fact Puritans later pointed out in order to deny the legitimacy of the celebration). Although some evidence suggests that his birth may have occurred in the spring (why would shepherds be herding in the middle of winter?), Pope Julius I chose December 25. It is commonly believed that the church chose this date in an effort to adopt and absorb the traditions of the pagan Saturnalia festival.

Funny isn't it, that people complain about the commercialization of Christmas when the holiday itself was a marketing campaign from the start? A lot of Jews hate on Christmas (Lord knows I hate on the gawd awful music), or at the very least feel left out around this time of year. And there's something sad about that because what was once a beautiful festival celebrating nature has been confiscated by the Church, leaving non-Christians and atheists to recognize it as a day off of work and little else. It's time to recognize this time of year for what it is, a holy transition point in our year, a day from which all days will begin to get longer, and a holiday that a man in a funny hat once proclaimed to be the birthday of the son of God. Don't let anyone rob you of the true meaning of Christmas or of anything else. Because the further we stray from our Mother Earth, the easier it is to destroy Her.

And I guess what I'm really trying to preach here is not so much that we all learn to recognize this holiday in our own way, but that we all learn to question things in our lives more. On the whole I see a major lack of creative and independent thought in our culture today. I believe it to be a very healthy thing to question everything worth questioning, everything not worth questioning, even your own thoughts. These upcoming years are critical to our survival and evolution as a species, and if we want good things to happen we have to make them happen. We are immensely more powerful and creative than most of us give ourselves credit for.

Many blessings to you today and for the upcoming year. Peace, love and light.

"You can't hide from the truth, cause the truth is all there is"

Do The Evolution

I’m not sleeping well lately. Ever since my final plans for Burning Man have started to come together it’s a struggle to get through the night. This has been over a year in the making, since I met my Burning Man friends a few weeks before the 2008 event was to take place. Looked at from another perspective, it’s five or more years in the making, from the time I first heard of it and knew, maybe not consciously, that I would end up going one day. Looked at from yet another perspective, it’s almost 30 years in the making. My life has been leading up to this in many different ways.

During Rubee’s pre-yoga discussion yesterday one of the other participants mentioned that he’ll be going to Burning Man. Afterwards I spoke with him and he talked about how he likes to pick a theme or intention for himself each year, something to align his experiences toward. I liked that idea a lot. Working with intention is something I’ve been thinking a lot about, and it’s certainly something that helps enhance a yoga practice. It didn’t take long for me to come up with my intention, because it happens to coincide with this year’s official theme: Evolution.

This ridiculous corporate song and dance cannot continue for much longer. I have to find another path, a way to serve. Someone mentioned something at Rubee’s class about being unhappily employed, and Rubee polled the class to find out who else is in that situation. I of course raised my hand along with a few others, and Rubee of course had to interject his beliefs about happiness being metaphysically negative, and so on (don’t get me wrong here, I love the guy, just poking fun). That got me thinking. It’s not that I want a job or career where I’m happy and fulfilled 100% of the time. I’m pretty sure that’s an impossible dream. What I really want is a job or career that I find to be relevant. My job right now holds no relevance toward the state of humanity. Not that another insurance job, which I have been seeking out, would, but at least I could be more challenged and excited during the day.

But what it feels like my life is opening up to is a way to serve humanity. I just checked out another fascinating book from the library, one that picks up logically where Anatomy of the Spirit ends. It’s called Your Hands Can Heal You, and one of its authors, Master Steven Co, will be in Chicago next month. I found out about him and the book from the most recent issue of The Monthly Aspectarian, a free local publication that I haven’t read in years. On a whim (or was it something more?) I picked up a copy from the yoga studio the other day.

There’s a life force inside of each and every one of us that is capable of astounding things. I don’t believe that I have it any more than anyone else has it, but what makes me different is that I believe in it and its powers. And I want to learn about how it works and what it can do. Yoga is a technology that uses it for personal development and growth toward enlightenment. But in that sense yoga is sort of limited. Being a yoga teacher and guiding people along this path is interesting and fulfilling to me but I want to explore other areas. Do I need to find a guru, or a master of some kind to study with? What is my life evolving toward? This is intention for my first Burning Man.

Letting Go

I haven’t written in a while and wanted to just poke in and say a few things. This morning I started the day off with sunrise yoga on the beach. Michael was the teacher, and the place where it was held is so serene and beautiful. The sun hung out over the water and the whole thing made me think of Burning Man (which I leave for in a week and a half!). While I didn’t get to see the sun come up over the horizon, I can tell it’s true what they say about sunrises being much better than sunsets.

I’ve been thinking more and more about surrender and letting go. My friend Noah had a great quote, non-attributed, on his facebook page the other day. It said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” So wise. I’ve come to know this as I’ve come to know many things, not just intellectually but with my whole body; my bones, my blood, my flesh, my cells. They say that yoga changes you on a cellular level and I believe it.

Forgiveness is a form of letting go, something people are not very good at in our society these days. And it’s also something I need to work at, even though I’ve made huge strides in this area. Yesterday I was able to let go of my dissatisfaction with my job and just do the job that I’m being paid for. And it ended up being a very beneficial, almost meditative experience. Today I’m having a harder time with it but that’s mostly due to a change in some plans that is stealing my attention.

Two other brief things: yesterday I was approached by Justin, the owner of Windy City Crossfit, about teaching some yoga there. I’m both excited and nervous about the opportunity. People at the gym will really take to it I’m sure, so I need to make sure I’m prepared and don’t let anyone down. Second, I’m reading a fascinating book that found me the other day when I took a moment to stop in a used book store on my way from Eli’s wedding festivities to dinner for my grandmother’s birthday. It’s called Looking Into The Invisible by Omraam Mikhael Aivanov.

Gettin My Reps

Bill Simmons, also known as the Sports Guy on espn.com, always talks about athletes getting their reps when referring to the experience it takes to rise to the next level. For example, this most recent playoff loss by the Bulls was indicative of the fact that they just need to get their reps. They need to play together for longer as a team, and build that strength and cohesion that comes only with experience. I, as a beginning yoga teacher, need also to get my reps.

It’s starting to happen for others in my class. One of our requirements for course completion is to assist in 3 classes. I haven’t done any yet but I was speaking with my classmate Amy about a class she assisted the other day where a woman she was adjusting in a forward fold actually fell over and did a somersault. It freaked Amy out—the woman appeared to be fine—but she realized afterwards that that kind of stuff is bound to happen.

There are any number of situations or occurrences that can take place in a yoga class, or questions or challenges that students can throw at you. And no matter how much training, learning, reading or practicing you’ve done on your own, you won’t learn what it really takes to be a good teacher until you step into the driver’s seat and lead a class. This is why I’m both excited and scared for this Sunday when I lead my first class.

The format will be a community class, which is a free class open to whomever would like to come. I’ve decided not to extend an invitation via facebook or anything like that. I’d rather not have the added pressure of having people I know as students. It might relax me and give me more confidence, or it might have the opposite effect, so I’m going the safe route and not making it public.

I wanted to have my class plan done weeks ago so that I could run through it multiple times before the date, but with studying for this past Sunday’s test and other things I’m just getting around to it now. The plan is complete; I just need some victims to teach it to. Since tonight is our last class, which will actually be dinner and drinks, and Wednesday is the Burning Man meeting, I won’t get a chance to work through it until Thursday. I may only get 3 dry runs, but that should be enough. After all, it’s not like these people can complain about a class that they didn’t pay for. At the same time, I want to do my best.

Most importantly, I need to keep the momentum of this yoga experiment going. This is a critical time for my yoga career, and I wish it wasn’t coming in the midst of Burning Man preparations, but that shouldn’t be a big deal. I’m trying to learn from the mistakes I made in my insurance career, which mainly stemmed from not being invested in its direction. I have a great opportunity to seize on here: yoga is growing in popularity, I am fresh out of a training program, and I’m young and enthusiastic. There are opportunities if I’m only creative and opportunistic enough.

One thing I need to reexamine is the idea of teaching yoga at my gym. Crossfit is not a full-service gym. They offer kids classes but other than that it’s just core Crossfit programming and nothing else. Justin, the owner of Windy City Crossfit, expressed interest in me teaching some yoga back in March when I asked him. I’m going to revisit this. I offered to do it pro bono, just so I can gain experience. I just did a quick Craigslist search for yoga jobs in Chicago and they all require previous experience. But those are for the ones that pay. Luckily I can support myself in other ways for now, so I can afford to teach for free and build up a resume.

To my 3 readers I’m asking, please offer any suggestions on resources I can use to get my career going. At this point I think the idea of teaching for free to gain experience is a good route to take, but there are other ways I’m not considering and I’m open to your input.

AcroYoga and Living For Today

The final exam for our yoga training is coming up on Sunday. Receiving a passing grade of 70% or better is one of the requirements for successful course completion. The test will require a lot of memorization of various things, many of which I’m comfortable with, but certainly not all of them. Amy gave us a choice in class on Saturday to either review test materials with her or to attend Tatiana’s acroyoga workshop. Three of my classmates and I went to the workshop while the rest stayed and reviewed, and I am quite happy that I made the decision that I did.

Tatiana has incredible energy surrounding her. She is a super advanced yogi and her classes are intense but lively and lighthearted. She doesn’t take herself too seriously. In her workshop we worked on partnering exercises, the most exciting of which was the airplane pose. I had several opportunities to be the base and the flyer, and I’m pleased to report that I was never dropped nor did I drop anyone. It was such an awesome feeling to be up in the air like that! I also learned a few massage-type things to use as well that feel really good. I would like to maybe pursue a training program in massage therapy. I love making people feel good.

The lesson I took from the day though was just as beneficial. When Amy gave us the choice, it didn’t take me long to make the decision. Of course I want to pass the test, and I would have benefited from a review, but having a unique experience is more important to me. Seen from this perspective, it’s all about the difference between goals and intentions. Let me explain. Often at the beginning of class a yoga instructor will invite his or her students to set an intention for the class. This was always a little confusing to me, so when I found an article on the topic on Yoga Journal’s website I printed it out and read it. What the article explained was that an intention is not the same as a goal. A goal is a future oriented thing, for example, I want to get a promotion, or I would like to be able to sit in lotus. An intention is focused on the here and now: I want to be more present or mindful; I want to have more compassion; etc.

So now I look back to my intention for starting the training program. Was it to pass the test and successfully complete the training? No it was not, however it was my goal upon deciding to do the training program that I would like to receive my certificate. On the other hand my intention, or one of my intentions, was to try new and unique things. All this stuff wasn’t going through my head at the time we had to choose. Instead what I thought was, in 10 years I’m going to remember this workshop but I’m not going to remember reviewing for the test for two and a half hours. The fact that my thinking mind was present enough and plugged into my intention in this way is proof positive that the yoga is working for me and helping to change me for the better.

Untitled

I had another great commute this morning. I drank the yerba mate upon getting out of bed and listened to Van Morrison’s beautiful devotional music on the train ride. What is this amazing feeling I have in the morning that seems to trail off by the early afternoon? Sleep is a reconnection with the mysterious void, the collective unconscious of which we are all a part. This is why children are such magical beings, because they are only briefly removed from the unknown, these unformed blobs of energy working to understand and make sense of the reality that they’ve just recently entered. Many friends of mine are becoming parents for the first time and I’m getting to hear about their experiences and it sounds so amazing. I’m coming to realize that I do want children some day.

The hours after sleep are different from the hours later in the day. We’re shifting between worlds and reconnecting constantly it seems. In the morning my heart is so full of love. I want to teach yoga or volunteer or do something to serve God and my fellow man (see my entry below about service). But come the afternoon, after having spent hours (or depending on the day, minutes) doing pointless paper pushing, I just want to relax and eat and hang out. This isn’t always the case but it happens, especially on those frigid winter days we get here in Chicago.

What provides happiness to us as humans? Beyond material things, like money, because everyone likes money, or even good food, company, conversation, love. Having a partner in life is important and certainly makes life better but many married people are miserable. The happiest people have something to sustain them from day-to-day, moment-to-moment, a purpose to live for. A career can provide that and certainly does for many people. But the happiest people I can think of are those who have a strong connection and relationship with the earth; surfers, skiers and snowboarders, climbers, divers, and yogis.

The earth is more than just our home, more than just a rock spinning around in space, for us at least. This is going to be difficult to describe but I’ll do my best. To me, humans and all other life on earth are a manifestation of life energy as reflected by the earth. It’s as if the planet were trying to evolve to a higher state or plane of existence and it created life in order to do so. Study the human body, not just our gross anatomy but our energy anatomy, the chakras and nadis and so on, and you will be fascinated with what you learn. A woman’s cycle is coordinated precisely with the movement of the moon. Our major religious teachings throughout history describe paths to enlightenment that are correlated directly to personal and spiritual growth in our bodies. Can this stuff really be coincidence? “As above, so below”, the old adage reads.

This is why endeavors like the ones I mentioned are so addicting. People get a taste of what the earth can give through these activities and they just want more. Here I am sitting on the 20th floor of a tall building in downtown Chicago, typing on a computer and mostly removed from my spiritual mother, the earth. But in a few hours I will be on a yoga mat recreating that connection and furthering the relationship. It’s such a beautiful thing to do, and it has benefits for the practitioner and, in my opinion, for all of humanity, that we may never know. Just as our false actions-- lying, cheating, stealing--all have far reaching effects that we cannot grasp, an offering of a yoga session does the opposite.

I wasn’t sure where I was going with this post when I started it, and so I’m not sure how to end it, except to say that I love being alive, and thank you for reading.

Non-Attachment Is The Key To Freedom

I neglected to meditate this morning. And yesterday, and the day before that. But the day before that I did meditate. I have yet to establish a consistent meditation practice, or a consistent yoga practice for that matter. But what I’m coming to realize is that it’s not important to attach myself to a certain style of yoga or meditation, or a certain schedule, because ultimately life gets in the way and won’t allow a strict adherence to such things. What’s important is that I stick with something and have compassion with myself, since non-attachment really is the key to freedom.

Even though I didn’t meditate I was still in a very mindful state on the train to work this morning. It could be due to some mushrooms I ate before the Dave Matthews concert on Saturday. Lately it’s been hard for me to have a good trip, although that could be due to the strain of mushrooms I’ve been eating. These ones were from a fresh new batch, and they hit strong and hard. Good mushrooms really clear away the mental cobwebs for me. Used wisely they can be powerful tools for enlightenment. It could have been the mushrooms or the good nights sleep I had just had or the yerba mate I drank when I woke up which always makes me feel calm and energized at the same time.

Whatever it was, what happened on the train was that I noticed my mind creating certain familiar thoughts—being annoyed at a woman putting on makeup, seeing a man wearing a nice shirt and reminding myself that I really want some new clothes—but then I just let them go and returned to my breath and the music that was playing on my ipod. It sort of helped that I was listening to Fela Kuti for the first time ever, and aside from the fact that it was really good music, the fact that it was brand new music to my ears might have helped me turn away from the thoughts more easily. This state of being able to sort of watch your thoughts like clouds passing overhead is the goal or intention of meditation.

What was so amazing on this brief train ride was the sense of freedom that I felt. Normally I would have gotten caught up in my annoyance at the woman. I would have continually looked at her and been more and more annoyed. Or I would have looked at the man’s shirt and thought about the shirt I am currently wearing, about how it’s a great shirt but it’s not perfect because the shape of the collar is awful, and about how it’s such a shame that I have great fashion sense but never enough money to invest in nice new clothes that fit properly since I lost the weight. And around and around it would go. But with one breath I released it all, and it was so freeing. Not only that, but my body settled more into the state of calm and bliss that I had been feeling since waking up. When you have experiences like that it’s easy to see how unneeded stress causes disease in the body, or dis-ease, as it’s often more accurately written in meditation literature.

This experience is no doubt the result of my yoga and meditation, but for now it’s only an isolated thing. As I practice more and more it’s inevitable that I’ll be able to have more and more experiences like this. When one becomes enlightened, which probably takes years and years of strict and disciplined practice, they are in that state continuously. Jon Kabat-Zinn, in Coming To Our Senses, uses the analogy of a dial-up vs. a DSL internet connection. Someone just starting out will “plug-in” to a mindful state from time-to-time, like a dial-up connection, but an enlightened person is always in that state in the same way that a DSL computer is always connected to the internet.

So during lunch today I may walk outside and hear someone talking about something that annoys me and not be able to get it out of my head. My connection will have been severed. Or it may happen tomorrow or the next day. But whenever I’m having issues I’m going to think back to that train ride and remember that non-attachment, one of the core teachings of both yoga and Buddhism, is what I need to exercise to free myself from harmful patterns of the mind.

How Can I Serve Today?

This is a good thing to ask yourself when you wake up each morning, and also at times throughout the day. Who is it that you should live your life to serve you ask? I would say God, only many people are conflicted about that word. So to make it easier I’ll add another letter and turn it into Good. What we should all be asking ourselves each morning is how we can serve and contribute to the good in the world.

It’s difficult to get through the day sometimes at my job, because I don’t see the point in what I do. Basically I pay people’s insurance bills for them. It is not interesting or challenging in the least bit, nor is it inspiring. But I’m trying to see it as a means to an end, that being my continuation on the path of yoga which will eventually lead to my teaching and inspiring others, my contribution to the good. This helps sometimes to get me through a rough day, but other times it’s not enough. The soul-crushing nature of my job sometimes overwhelms me.

What can I do on days like this? I could dig deeper. I could see the pile of insurance bills on my desk not as just more busy work and an insult to my intelligence, but rather as a way for me to serve the goodness in the world. By making sure my clients’ bills are paid in a timely fashion, I am ensuring that their future claims will be taken care of. By working on a data entry project that I find ridiculous and beneath me, I am contributing to an effort to ease miscommunication between my department and the real estate department. However minor these things are in the grand scheme, they are a way for me to do my part. And by consciously changing my attitude about them I allow myself to open up to the greater possibilities of life and service while at the same time easing my way toward the 4:15 bell.

Reaching New Heights With Phish

I saw Phish again, twice, this past weekend. Saturday’s show was good, but I was way up high on the enormous lawn at Alpine where most people weren’t really into it. I was all excited for the shows based on the enormous fun I had back in March at Hampton, but a lot of that fun was due to the entire crowd at the coliseum being 100% engaged with the music. You can’t help but get wrapped up in the excitement in an environment like that. So I was a little let down seeing a show from so far away, with the sound sort of muffled, surrounded by people who weren’t all that enthusiastic. The next night was a different story though. I sat in the pavilion with some friends for Sunday’s show, much closer, with much better views of the band and the lights, along with better sound and a better crowd. The music was also better. They opened the second set with a cover of Crosseyed and Painless by The Talking Heads, and they absolutely ripped it. The blissful feelings coursing through my body during that song were not unlike a devotee having an ecstatic religious experience.

In thinking more about this, it’s obvious to me why people tour with the band. They’re chasing a feeling, a sensation that may not come during every show, but that is certain to appear once every 3-4 shows at least. I’ve always had a quiet respect for these apparently scummy hippie types, but I could never put my finger on why exactly. And let me be clear and state that I’m not referring to those that have little to no respect for others, because there are many of them. But those that are out there chasing that feeling, to me they’re like humble pilgrims searching for divine union through music, the same exact thing in fact as yoga through sound. In India music is considered a sacred thing, and it can lead to yoga, which is defined as union with the sacred. In the east they have chanting and kirtan, whereas here we have rock and roll, but the goals and the path are the same. I wish more people realized this. We would have much more respect for the arts and for living in close contact with God’s love. But in this society we’re too materialistic for that.

Or is it really materialism that’s at the heart of our ills? Lately I’ve been challenging this idea. I think that maybe what’s really going on is deep-seeded fear stemming from lack of faith, in each other and in the divine. And the divine happens to be in each and everyone one of us in fact. Having material things makes people feel safe, safe from not ever having to rely on another human being for anything.

Let me try to show what I’m getting at by talking about my own thinking. After Sunday’s Phish show, hanging out in the lot and watching fireworks, it occurred to me that this is what life is all about, the feelings of love that I can only get through experiences like this. I had the same revelation in Hampton actually. Over the next couple of days I thought about how I want to chase those feelings, and that material things don’t mean anything to me compared to this search (though I didn’t and still don’t have a concrete path but some I’d consider are: following Phish, making a pilgrimage to perhaps India, becoming a surf or ski bum, or going somewhere and meditating and studying like crazy). Then it occurred to me: I have no material things! Well I have some stuff: nice furniture, nice clothes, huge tv, computer, car, ipod. But I don’t attach myself to any of those things, and I wouldn’t be devastated to lose any one of them (except maybe for the car—to me a car symbolizes freedom, which I value). Why, then, am I living this life in a city I’ve grown tired of, working a job that I am not invested in? The only answer I can come up with is that it provides security.

I keep thinking that if I’m just able to save X amount of money I’ll have enough to go on some sort of adventure and have enough to sustain me for a little bit. But would I really do it? After all, devoting oneself to God does not come with a 401(k) or health insurance. Caroline Myss says several times in Anatomy of the Spirit that she’s never met anyone who has regretted giving their life up to God. I do want to do this, but I’m not bold enough to do it without making sure that I have a contingency fund of money to use in case things don’t work out. My problem is the same lack of faith that characterizes society as a whole. I want to find God and give myself up to the search, but if I break my arm, how do I pay for the medical bills?

At any rate, I really have no options right now. I have over 2 more years left on my car loan and no money saved except for my 401(k). I don’t plan to abandon this path of yoga that I’m on, so hopefully the next two years finds me deepening my practice, getting in good financial shape, and solidifying what the next step in my journey will be. Life is too rich and fulfilling to be spent confined to a cubicle. This is not what I’ve been put on earth to do.

Here are the things I've been thinking about and doing lately

Boring title, I know...

Synchronicities are a beautiful thing. It’s like God winking at you. Or, according to a fascinating book I’m reading called “Anatomy of the Spirit”, numerous synchronicities are actually divine communications letting you know that you’re on the right path. I had a nice one happen this morning. While I was getting ready to go to work I was thinking about writing in this blog about simplified living and all the things I’ve been doing to strip away all the bullshit in my life and get down to what really matters. I’m cooking almost everything I eat. I’m going to the library instead of the bookstore. I’m even doing my own laundry for the first time in about 6 years. At first these were efforts aimed at saving money so that I could get out of credit card debt, but they have become lifestyle choices, and will continue on probably forever.

The synchronicity occurred when I went to listen to my favorite podcast (actually, the only one I listen to), Speaking of Faith, on my way to work. In this episode, a college professor was talking about the economic crisis. To demonstrate a point to his students he showed the part from the movie “The Matrix” where Morpheus leads Neo through a training program to show him that everyone within the matrix is an enemy. The point the professor was trying to make is that we are so incredibly plugged in in society, to our computers, cell phones, ipods, etc. When he asked his students to unplug for 24 hours, one student who listened to music non-stop reported that he heard birds on campus for the first time.

The next point he made was that the plugged-in life is not worth living. One of his students then asked “Does that mean that the un-plugged life is worth dying for?” This, the professor said, gave him goose bumps. What this means to him is that we should exercise sacrificial living, something that I’ve been working towards, in a way. I’m really interested in clearing away the clutter and getting down to my true nature.

The next big thing for me in this regard is to revolutionize my diet. I’m going to attempt to eat an all or mostly all raw meat diet. This is one area where I disagree with the yoga teachings. Ahimsa, the rule of non-violence, is taken to mean that one must eat a vegan diet. I don’t agree with this for several reasons which I could get into at some other time. But the point here is again to strip down, to eat only what is necessary. I’ve done my homework, and there is lots of evidence both scientific and anecdotal to show that carbohydrates are not necessary in the diet, that we are evolved to eat red meat from grass-fed sources, and that raw is the best state in which to eat it. If this is the case, then I only want to give my body what it needs and nothing more. I’ve found a reputable source to purchase grass-fed beef via the internet, and a very intelligent information source to refer to and learn more about all this. I’m pretty certain that this will be good for my health. The only concern I have is the social aspect of it. Food is so entwined in our culture that most people can’t see things from another perspective. I don’t really care if people think I’m weird. However there are people in my life that I love very much, and I don’t want to embarrass or offend anyone. So this will be a challenge for sure.

But I’m not going to even try to convince, say, my mother that this is the right thing. For some reason I told her about this the other day, and she reacted as I knew she would, by flipping out. There are a scarce few in my life, sadly, that would have a purely sane reaction to this. The fact is, we are lied to about countless things in society today. Take for example the beauty industry. How many billions of dollars are made selling clothes, cosmetics, so-called diet foods, books, magazines, workout equipment, dvds, etc., perpetuating that myth of a woman to have to look a certain way? And yet we all buy it hook, line and sinker. Bill Maher said it best when he was talking about the health care industry. They’re not interested in making you well, they’re only interested in keeping you sick so you’ll buy more medicine. “And the food industry is doing their part to help,” he added. It’s so sad but so true.

With all these lies out there, it’s not hard for me to believe something as crazy as living on a raw meat diet is great for your health. I already know that fat is not bad for you and doesn’t make you fat. I thought everyone was on to this already but my friend was telling me other day that her friends don’t eat avocados because of the fat content. When will people learn? Rather, when will people learn to start questioning things? It’s a scary plugged-in society we live in where no one questions what they learn, know, think or hear. As we race toward 2012, I wonder if we’re in a position to get to the next level in our evolution as a species.

We heard a lecture on this topic with BJ Sadtler last Tuesday. It was fascinating, and I was hanging on her every word. I had previously read Daniel Pincheck’s book on the topic, and was subsequently very paranoid and afraid. I decided to stop thinking about all the potential bad things and instead see them as a metaphor for great and necessary changes. After all, Shiva the Destroyer does not necessarily bring destruction, but transformation. BJ’s approach to the topic was to lay out the facts and let us do the math. I, along with others in the class, would have liked more information on what exactly might be taking place, but she either didn’t want to pretend to predict the future or didn’t want to scare us, or both. I still believe that some scary things may be happening but I’m trying to view it all through the lens of my heart and not my ego or intellect.

The heart was in fact the major focus of my work this past weekend with Astrid Brinck. Astrid is a healer who lives in Chile and travels all around the world working with people. She is a remarkable person and she taught me a lot. In fact she still has much to teach me and I am lucky enough to get to work with her more this week! She led a heart meditation on Friday night and all day Saturday we participated in her workshop entitled Path of the Sacred Feminine. She lectured for a little about the suppression of the feminine throughout history, most of which I had heard before but some of which was new to me, and it was cool to hear it from her perspective. Then we did a bunch of activities that included touching, talking, dancing, and extended eye contact. For me it was all about surrender. I had to give in fully to it, because if I fought it in any way it would have been a miserable experience for me. Some of the things we did were in fact a little uncomfortable but that was part of the point in order to get us to express love and get more in touch with our hearts. It was really a great experience. She will be conducting a sweat lodge ceremony on Thursday and I was lucky enough to get a spot in it. I’m expecting this one to be less physically grueling than Rubee’s was.

Death of a Legend, Transformation

Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, Amy’s guru and an inspiration for countless others, passed away on Monday, May 18 at the age of 94. This man was huge in the yoga world. Like, he was the Barak Obama of yoga. He developed the Ashtanga system, a 4 series (or 6, depending on who you talk to) sequence of poses meant to cleanse and purify the body and mind. It’s a very powerful system and one that I’m just now starting to become familiar with. Amy was authorized by him to teach the Ashtanga system and she leads classes in the primary series. As part of our 35 classes that we are required to attend, 5 must be in the Mysore format. Mysore is named after the town in India where Pattabhi Jois taught, and where his grandson Sharath will now teach. In a Mysore class, students work through the Ashtanga sequence but the class is not led by a teacher. Students instead work at their own pace within their own limits as advised by the teacher. The teacher will also go around and give adjustments.

I attended my first Mysore class on Sunday, the day before Jois’s death. I was expecting to work through the entire primary series but Patricia, the teacher, thought otherwise. Even though I had been through 3 led classes in the primary series before, she advised me to only work through the sun salutations and the standing poses, and then maybe do the standing poses again, which equates to about 1/3 of the entire series. In talking with her it was apparent that she was recommending doing a little each day, starting at the beginning and working to where I feel comfortable, or to where I can go from memory. And even though what she was suggesting would be another time commitment and more work, I didn’t fight it.

I didn’t go with it either. I’m not sure why but on Monday and Tuesday I didn’t do any yoga at home, although I did do 10 minutes of meditation which I’ve been doing almost every day for about 3 weeks now, and I did attend Rich Logan’s class which is fantastic (the guy is brilliant and funny and frankly everything I hope to be in a yoga teacher). It wasn’t until Tuesday in training that something clicked for me. We took some time away from learning poses to watch a documentary about Pattabhi Jois called Ashtanga, NY, and in it one of the students said something about how Ashtanga isn’t something to dabble in. You’re either in, or you’re out. Well that struck a chord with me because I’m really feeling the need to give more of myself up to this yoga journey, and this is the perfect way for several reasons, not the least of which being that I have Amy as a resource, someone who knows a thing or two about Ashtanga.

So for the past fews days I’ve been waking up and doing sun salutations. There is some protest coming from a small voice in the corner of my mind but I’m not allowing it to dominate. Once it settles down a little I’ll work in some standing poses and see where this thing takes me. It’s funny because I thought that starting my yoga training would give me all the direction I needed but in fact the opposite it happening. I’m finding so many open paths in front of me and I’m trying to figure out where to go and how to proceed.

There are two sort of conflicting priorities in my life right now. The first is to immerse myself in a yoga career, which would include further study in either yoga therapy (a combination of psychotherapy and yoga) or massage therapy. It may also include an extended stay in India at some point. The second is to get out of working for the man and instead teach yoga for a living (preferably outside of Chicago), which requires saving as much as possible over the next few years in order to pay off my debts and have a slush fund for emergencies and adventures. The real issue is money, mainly not having enough of it, and deciding how to prioritize things to get to where I want to be.

I guess I shouldn’t focus so much on all that and instead just pay attention to the journey itself. This is always sage advise, and it’s also one of the many things I took away from my most recent read, and probably one of the best books I’ve ever read, which was “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. She is also the author of “The Last American Man”, another one of my favorites. This book gets a bad rep as being a “girly book”, which it would be if she only focused on her relationships with men, which take up just a small portion of the book. The rest is filled with profound insights and intelligent humor as Gilbert recounts her year of travel in Italy, India and Indonesia, meant to bring her out of a terrible depression caused by a failed marriage and bitter divorce. She is a brave spiritual seeker who refuses to settle or take things at face value. She questions everything, least of all her own beliefs and assumptions, with an intense and unrelenting passion for truth and freedom. I see a lot of myself in her. This book was truly moving and I wish my writing skills could do more justice to the experience I had reading it.

Another moving experience that I had recently is the sweat lodge ceremony that I took part in on 5/9, the night of the full moon. A sweat lodge is a native american ritual, but this one was conducted by an african american man in the sauna at the yoga studio. Rubee Blackriver, who might call himself an urban mystic, led me, Emily from teacher training, and 5 other people through 3 rounds of intense heat lasting 15-20 minutes each, with a 5 minute break in between. The purpose of it was to cleanse and purify (a major theme lately). The second round was easily the most intense. Rubee walked us through the 7 chakras, pouring one scoop of water on the coals for the first chakra, two for the second, and so on, until I swear it felt like the skin on my upper arms and shoulders was on fire. At one point he said “Oh we are outside our bodies now, can you feel it?” I did feel it but maybe less so than the others. I’ve felt such intense pain and exhaustion during Crossfit workouts that I long ago learned how to disengage mentally from the physical body in order to stay on track. So this was sort of just more of the same, but that’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it or wouldn’t do it again. Like so many things related to my yoga teacher training experience, I can’t seem to get enough.

East Meets West

There’s a documentary out called “Enlighten Up”, and it comes to Chicago next month for a couple of weeks. It’s about a 29 year old journalist from New York who is skeptical about yoga and who is taken on a journey around the world to learn about yoga and the teachings and at the end I believe he has been “converted”. I’m very excited to see this not only because it involves what I hope to be my next career but because I still see some of myself in the 29 year old journalist.

Most class sessions I am very open, receiving the teachings without judgment and often finding them very enlightening and interesting. And after a good yoga practice I have sensations that I can’t get anywhere else. But every once in a while that little skeptic in my head will chime in with his point of view. This usually happens when we’re working out the finer points of a pose. He’ll say something like, “Really? This is what enlightenment is all about? Twisting your torso in that particular way?” Other times he’ll roll his eyes when we’re chanting in Sanskrit or talking about body cleanses and raw food diets.

Having that little voice around doesn’t bother me, and I’m not anxiously trying to rid myself of it. In fact I think it’s a healthy thing to have around. In a way it inspires me to keep working and learning, and to remain open to everything going on around me. And there has been a lot going on lately. Besides the classroom learning I have experienced the following throughout the last few weeks:

--Kirtan, performed by Krishna Das (very famous for this)
--a two-day workshop called Spirit Tracking, with Rubee Blackriver
--a lecture on the emergence of Buddhism in India
--Gong Summit, a musical performance in a music instrument warehouse
--a gong bath, performed by Richard Rudis
--a workshop on healing herbs and spices
--a lecture/workshop on Ayurveda and Yoga Nidra

One thing that fascinates me and that I’m always trying to learn more about is the merging of eastern and western philosophies. Put briefly, science is more and more arriving at theories of the universe that validate and reflect the ancient teachings of the east, including teachings found in yogic texts. Seeing these two seemingly different approaches to truth coming together is like seeing the timeline of human history and thought as humanity having a conversation with itself. Seen from this perspective, the skeptic is a necessary and vital point of view to have in order to reach and prove what one feels instinctively to be the truth.

Problem of Language

As a man in a yoga teacher training program with one other man, 12 women (possibly 11, it seems one has dropped out), and a woman instructor, I’m starting to feel the need to expose myself to more male yoga teachers, to get a feel for their style and for the masculine side of yoga. So this past Sunday I attended a class taught by Michael McColly. Michael has a religious studies background and teaches creative writing, in addition to being a writer himself, and an activist. The class was great, and afterwards I spoke with him briefly and he mentioned something about a problem of language when it comes to communicating ancient beliefs and yogic philosophies to our uninitiated peers.

Funny then how the same issue came up later that evening at dinner, when my grandmother asked me how yoga was different from other forms of exercise. I paused, then stumbled, then said, “Well Nanee, yoga aims to eliminate the illusion of separation between the ego and the divine one-ness of all things, to dissolve that which you call yourself in order to realize the non-dual nature of reality and eventually reach a state of Samadhi, or enlightened bliss.” “That sounds marvelous,” she said. Then we went through a few sun salutations and I got her to hold a perfect scorpion pose for about 5 breaths. Not bad for a woman in her mid-80s.

I’m growing and learning so much through this training. It occurs to me that I’m actually going through changes so profoundly and rapidly that I’m not even grasping the magnitude of it all just yet. And it feels great, thanks for asking. But the problem remains of how to “sell it”. Indeed, a wealth of knowledge and enlightened thinking do me no good without the proper techniques to bring it all back down to earth so that laypeople can benefit from it.

Maybe it won’t be a matter of only articulating thoughts and ideas but will also involve putting people into a yogic state of mind through my presence and aura. I’ve heard of people meeting the Dalai Lama who say that just being in his presence is a profound experience. I don’t mean to compare myself to the big DL, but positive energy is a palpable thing. I feel it every time I walk into Yoga Now. I’ve been told that I have good energy, and I want more than anything to share it and keep sharing it.

Just one month into the program and I’m already doing a 180 on my initial apprehension. It’s not just the classroom training, which has been interesting, but everything else that comes with the program. Truly Yoga Now is the best place for me, since in addition to being a yoga studio it is also a spiritual center. Last Saturday I experienced my first Kirtan performance, which is a call-and-response chanting form of music, performed by Krishna Das. It was so beautiful and I think I’m forever spoiled for Kirtan since he is world-renowned for it.

The yoga practice requirement, which has switched from an obligation to a pleasure, is keeping me on pace with 2 classes each week. I might start taking 3 classes per week, since I’m trying to experience as many different teachers as I can. And I can’t forget the wonderful, interesting people I’m meeting, especially Amy. She may have a spot on her bus to Burning Man for me! Her and I spoke for about 15 minutes after class last night about 2012, and I had to cut it off because I got the impression we could have talked forever about it.

Paradox Redux

“One day these childish dreams must end, to become a man and grow up to dream again”

--Bruce Springsteen, Two Hearts

“If nothing is everything then I will have it all”

--Pearl Jam, Gone

I've been thinking a lot lately about the paradoxes in life. These song lyrics above, along with the one I mentioned below from Tom Petty, are all examples of these. Springsteen and Petty are getting at something that I'm finding to be more and more true. As I grow older and learn more about life, the world, and myself, I find that I am more youthful, playful, and carefree than when I was a kid.

The wise sage Eddie Veddar expresses an age-old conundrum. In a book I'm reading now called The Four Hour Work Week the author talks about addition through elimination. This coincides with something I'm going through in my own life, admittedly out of necessity, because I want to vanquish my credit card debt back to the fiery pits of hell once and for all. But as I watch every single penny I'm finding that I'm not spending money on worthless crap, and I'm also not thinking about what I'm going to spend my next free dollar on, but instead I am “abiding in my own nature”, which is the message of the 3^rd Yoga Sutra. I am eliminating the unneeded clutter from my life and my mind so that I can be who I truly am.

In my yoga training I am learning and growing so much. We had a workshop a few weeks ago where the teacher explained how everyone in the class is a student, but if we are teaching yoga in a health club we'll be lucky if 10% of the class are students. The majority of them will be customers. She made sure to point out that “customer” isn't meant as a derogatory term, only a necessary term to make the distinction. Her statement really stuck with me and it's occurring to me that what I'm really learning is not how to become a teacher, but how to become a student. And I'm finding that it's necessary to take that first step toward becoming a student, and humbling yourself to the wisdom and the tradition, before you can even consider becoming a teacher.

Thinking about paradoxes makes me calm and puts me in an enlightened state, which is a paradox in itself. I think a lot of people could drive themselves crazy thinking about these things. But for me it's fun seeing how one thing could be true in a sense, and then seeing how the opposite of that thing could also be true at the same time. It gives me a glimpse at the true nature of reality, the yin and yang that is ever present in the universe.

Warming Up

The initial shock of becoming a student again is wearing off. I do think of myself as a student of life, and I love learning, but I think I have an instinctual aversion to classroom learning that sort of got in my way at the beginning of the program. I'm starting to get more excited about the whole thing. Yesterday's session was great. Instead of having class from 11-4 it was broken up by an arm balancing workshop with Liza Ferguson from 1-3:30. We worked on different ways of achieving handstands and it was a ton of fun. Also, the room was really warm and I sweated through my shirt, so I got a little workout in which I wasn't expecting. Today we received 4 of our 5 books and our first reading assignment, so I'm going to have to start warming up to the idea of homework again. Actually this won't be too hard. I spend way too much of my free time (and my time at work) doing meaningless shit, so homework will be a refreshing experience.

First Class Jitters

“I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.”
–Hunter S. Thompson

My initial feeling about my first yoga training session was a mild panic. I was prepared for class 2 days each week and one Sunday each month, but I wasn’t aware of the other requirements: 20 hours of workshops, 35 additional yoga classes, teach one community class, observe one class, one book report, keep a journal. I have the last one covered with this blog but the rest felt a little overwhelming. In fact I found it hard to concentrate on anything else for the remainder of the class once Amy (the teacher) handed out the syllabus. My current job is not very demanding time-wise, but I am hoping to get a new job soon which would limit my free time more and require some travel. If I land that job, how could I keep up with all this?

Then I got out of class and calmed down a little, and figured out how to make this happen. I can combine a required class and a training class into one long trip to the studio, since the class offerings are pretty numerous. And I reminded myself that this is the first step in what is hopefully a long journey, so I need to get off on the right foot and have a good attitude about it. I believe I have a lot to offer the world and I need to develop technical knowledge in something as a way to impart my abstract knowledge. And that’s going to take time and sacrifice (not that I’ll be sacrificing much anyway--I have way too much time on my hands these days). I also reminded myself that the anticipation of something is usually much worse than the reality of that thing. This is sort of the opposite of what I was talking about before, regarding pleasant surprises.

The class consists of 13 students, all female except for me and one other guy; yet another reason why I love yoga. One of the students is a woman in her 60s who started doing yoga some 40 years ago and owned a studio in Evanston where Amy had her first yoga class. She’s taking the class because she wants to start a yoga program for people in her stage of life, and whatever certification she currently holds is either expired or irrelevant. Having her in class will be great because she’ll be able to provide insight on things from a very experienced perspective.

The class began with peace invocations which ask for a study free of obstacles. We went over 7 asanas (poses) in detail, talking about how to correct someone’s posture as well as the benefits of the pose and modifications. We learned about the 8 limbs of yoga and the yoga sutras, and closed with 5 minutes of meditation. Except for my mild panic and discomfort from sitting on the floor for 5 hours, it was mostly enjoyable, although I was a little surprised at how quickly we moved through each asana. I don’t feel like we went into that much depth on each one.

I’m excited to be a part of this community, though I’ve really been enjoying the Crossfit community a lot lately and would like to get more involved there. But the environment at Yoga Now is what brought me there mostly. Amy was described to me as a “true believer” by someone whose opinion I respect in such matters, and Carrie’s teacher Silvia (a very influential person) told me that of the ones she is familiar with, Amy’s program is the best in the city. In addition to this she holds many interesting workshops and lectures which add to the aura there.

I have to be honest though and say that I’m a little scared about all this. I’ll be investing a lot of time, money and effort to get through this training, as well as a hope that this could be my life’s work, or at least the beginning of me finding what my life’s work is to be. But how much do I really enjoy yoga? I certainly enjoy the feeling I get after a good class. Going through the minor details of each asana felt a little tedious to me though. I also do not believe that yoga alone can create elite physical fitness. Hell, before class on Saturday it had probably been 2 months since my last yoga class. But something brought me here, and I’m determined to figure out what it is. I think it’s healthy to be a little scared of this, and to have a little fear in your life. It’s how you know you’re alive. And as I like to tell people, if life is challenging, it means you’re doing something right.

Pheeling the Love

This past weekend I saw 3 comeback shows by the band Phish in Hampton, Va. I enjoyed them a lot more than I was expecting to. I’ve always liked the band, but had only seen them 3 times before and never had an experience like this. So in addition to having a blast I was also surprised by how much of a blast I had. Isn’t it great when life hands you surprises like that? I don’t think I consciously live my life with this in mind, but it must be a karmic thing or something because lately I’ve been having many pleasant surprises. Life is much more fun that way.

I really felt the love in Hampton this weekend. Those four guys are gifted with the ability to project powerful energy to thousands at a time. Thank God they rediscovered that and decided to bring it back to the world. We all really need it right now (despite all the negativity that comes out of that scene). When I’m in the midst of an experience like that my head overflows with commanding thoughts and insights on love and life. I know I have a lot of good ones that people could really benefit from. The challenge is putting them in a context that people can understand. Hence this blog.

One thought that sprang to mind is summed up by a quote from a Tom Petty song—“People come, people go. Some grow young, some grow cold.” I was thinking about all the great friends I’ve made over the last few years, and all the great friends that were with me for the weekend. These are people who truly love life and have embraced positivity. Their lives are either good or great, and getting better. Then there are people whose switch is in the off position. Their lives are either good or ok, and probably getting worse. They are ruled by fear and can’t find their way out. It’s sad but not hopeless. I found my way out, and I’m hoping to help others do the same. But in that moment, probably while Free was playing (definitely a highlight), I was feeling pure love and thankfulness that I’ve surrounded myself with the right people and that I have my head and heart in the right place.

Another thought that came to me was that this is it, this is what life is all about. Not just Phish per se, but this feeling of pure joy and love, of, to get cosmic for a second, transcendence. I think a lot of Phish fans equate that feeling with the band and stop there. I’ve had that feeling at other concerts, STS9 in particular, but also other places and while completely sober. Sometimes it just sneaks up on me which is another one of those surprises I talked about. And so it occurred to me that I really need to focus on bringing those moments about, for me and for others. Because as I like to say, when you give to the world, you get back more than what you gave. So if you give 100% you get back 150%, so you’re always winning, and you’ll always be a winner.

Which brings me to my main reason for starting this blog. On Saturday I begin a yoga teacher training program of which I will keep a record here. I’ll have class every Tuesday night from 7-10, every Saturday from 11-4, and one Sunday each month from 11-4. There will be homework and probably reading too. Why yoga? Well I’ve asked myself that, and I’m still not sure of the answer. I’m hoping to find it during the program. Sometimes it’s not the answer that matters anyway, but rather the question.

Frankly, I’ve been inspired more by Crossfit lately, the strength and conditioning program I’ve been doing since November 2007. Crossfit has brought physical and mental strength to my life, and has gotten me in the best shape I’ve ever been in. But back in September or October when I signed up for this, yoga seemed more my thing. And as I write this, it occurs to me that even though Crossfit inspires me more, yoga may be the better medium for me to inspire other people.

I’ve been told that I’d make a good teacher, and I do love to teach and inspire people. I find that I can sympathize with others and see other people’s points of view better than most. For a long time though I couldn’t think of anything worth devoting myself to to the extent that I could be able to teach it. Then my friend Carrie told me about her upcoming yoga training and everything sort of clicked. Add to that the fact that I have never felt fulfilled in an office job and probably never will. Short of me winning the lottery or inheriting a bunch of money from a billionaire uncle I’ve never met, I have to find a way out of the corporate world.

I don’t view this as my way out, but more as a spring board to a new career and hopefully, eventually, a way out. I don’t plan to quit my job once training is over and try to work as a yoga teacher. There’s a chance I’ll finish the training and not even want to teach. Mostly what I’m hoping for is something to throw my energy and ingenuity toward. I have a lot of it, and my current job isn’t cutting it. They say that working will keep you alive longer, and you’ll be happier if you have a fulfilling career. I believe it, and this is my chance to start to get there.